I’m sure that this question will be asked multiple times in the course of my life , so here is a detailed explanation of why I chose not to baptize my child.
I believe in God , but I do not believe in any organized religion and strongly think that they are all man made. My wife believes in Hinduism , which is a separate religion all together. The question of why I do not believe in Catholicism or any religion , is a separate discussion that can be discussed at another time if needed.
Since we do not believe in Catholicism , it would be disingenuous of us to baptize our kid. I believe that all religions have an element of truth in them , and a lot of falsehoods. I have always strived to take what’s best in them to be a better person and discard the rest. Fasting in Islam, kindness compassion and forgiveness in Christianity , meditation and yoga in Hinduism and Buddhism , these are all noble virtues and practices to imitate. But there is also a lot of evil in these religious texts that one would be wise not to blindly follow.
The common counter argument is : Even if you don’t believe in it , just do it so that “society” accepts you. Don’t break relationships and hurt others.
My response to that is , I believe that who you marry , how you choose to raise your kid , what career you choose , what religious or political views you believe in , need to be decided by the individual , not by the collective of loud noises that deem themselves as “society” and claim to have a monopoly on the truth. Any society that does not give individuals within it , the freedom to choose these basic needs for themselves , is fundamentally a dead society.
“Society” is not static or stagnant , it is dynamic and ever-evolving. My decision to marry the woman I love even if she is from a “different” religion or to raise my kid in a secular way is the vote I caste for the society I want my child to grow in. I am not going to be silenced by the deafening judgement of the crowd , I fully realize that my decision will be un-popular and that I have a lot of hate coming my way , but I have in me the courage to be disliked , for a cause that I believe is best for my own life and that of my family. This is not an election where I have to cater to everyone’s opinion, this is my family.
A “Society” that persecutes and shuns individuals for their free choice is the kind of religious society that nailed Jesus to death. A society that is afraid to speak up for the individual is more North Korea than it is America , and I will not bow down in fearful submission to that kind of “society”.
In terms of breaking relationships and hurting people , if I baptize my child , me and wife will be unhappy that we didn’t have the courage to stand up for what we believed was best for our child , if we don’t baptize many others will be unhappy. In this scenario , where one side is doomed to be upset , who should make the choice ? The one making the choice should be the one who stands to benefit or suffer the most from the decision , in this case – me and my wife. Those who really care about our happiness , won’t mind our decision even if they disagree with our choice , and those who don’t care about happiness – well , there is no point trying to please them anyway.
Someone close to me and who I highly respect , disagreed and said “Relationships are like tree branches , you can bend them but don’t break them.”
I am not the one bending or breaking any proverbial branch , I live my life my way and if people have a certain bias, pre-judgement or false expectation on how I ought to live my life – that is their problem , not mine. I for one , have not gone about ordering other people , even those that I am close to , to live their life according to “my” values. And nobody has any business virtue signaling and lecturing me on how I ought to my life according to “their” values.
We can disagree on many things , but yet mutually respect each other’s choice. This is crucial for a functioning civil society. I disagree with religious folks on many things , but I would be the first person to defend their right to go to a church and practice their faith. In the same way , all I ask is for my views and decisions made in the realm of my own personal life to be respected , even if you cannot agree with them.
Another argument is : Why not baptize and just move on in a secular way ?
My response to that is , that is how it always starts. You draw the line a little front , then you stop. Then you take the line a little further down , and before you know it , you have gone far to the other end of the slippery slope. It’s like boiling a frog to death by warming the water just a little bit at a time, warm enough but not warm enough for the frog to realize where all this is headed. The Greeks were unable to enter and attack the safely guarded walls of Troy , so they gave the people of Troy a gift as a peace treaty – a giant Trojan horse made of wood. The folks of Troy accepted it in celebration and took the horse inside their walls. At night fall, soldiers of Greece came out of their hiding from inside the Trojan Horse and took Troy down. I see baptism as a Trojan horse, and I choose not to accept it within the four walls of my family.
Another argument is : But you promised to the Church that you will raise your child as a Catholic
My response to this is : The Church also had a clause that my wife will not be forced to convert in any way, but this has already happened multiple times.
Also, I did not necessarily want to get married in the Church , I just wanted to get married to the woman I love. Relatives could not accept the marriage unless it was done at a Church , so we compromised by going to the Church , where I was told there that I should sign a document that says that I will raise my child as a Catholic. Then they threatened to cancel my wedding unless I attended a 5 day course until the night before my wedding day (even though I already attended it once), and till the last few hours before my wedding – they kept saying that the marriage would need to be postponed indefinitely . They found my marriage to be too impure , so they asked for a huge sum of money for them to reconsider. Once they received the amount , they said the marriage can only be done with the approval of the Bishop in a tiny hall , not even in a Church ! The audacity they have to deem me impure , while they ask me for a “donation” to re-consider is not so Christ-like in my opinion. I then had to go and beg the bishop multiple times a week , and the whole cycle repeated. After the wedding , they did not even give me a proper marriage certificate despite numerous requests, which meant I had to go to court to get a relevant marriage certificate so that I could apply for my wife’s visit visa to come to the US. Is this the Catholic Church that I have to bow down to ? I have lost all respect for the Catholic Church , those bastards !
What Protestants and other Christian denominations get , and what Catholics do not, is – Have you heard of a single baby baptism in the Bible ? No ! In the Bible, only believers who had placed their faith in Christ were baptized – as a public testimony of their faith and identification with Him (Acts 2:38; Romans 6:3-4). An infant cannot place his or her faith in Christ. An infant cannot make a conscious decision to obey Christ. An infant cannot understand what water baptism even symbolizes. The Bible does not record any infants being baptized. Zero. None. It is up to each individual , with their whole free will, to make a personal decision on whether they want to be baptized or not.
McDonalds give kids meals to hook children from a young age and grow their customer base , the Catholic Church uses baptism before the kid can even speak for themselves to hook the little ones.
The last argument is : Why not compromise ? Meet in the middle , by baptizing your kid but not doing the other religious sacraments ?
My response to this is : If you want me to wear a shoe and I want to walk bare-footed , a compromise would be me wearing a shoe on one foot , and not wearing one on the other. It would be even more awkward when I walk , and I’m going to keep blaming you saying it was a bad idea , and you will continue blaming me saying “I told you that you must have worn two shoes !”. So in this case , when it is impossible to please both sides and where a compromise would only make things worse , who should make the decision? The one whom the foot belongs to.
My favorite saint, St Francis of Assisi said it best “Preach the gospel every day, and only if you have to , use words.” His message was that your life should be your message , but do not foist your religion on those who do not ask you to. If you want to be a good Christian , lead by example : be kind , compassionate and love your neighbor.
To me , doing the right thing is more important than the perception of doing the right thing. Perceptions be damned.
And like Jesus said “Let he is without sin, throw the first stone.”